Day 23

Giuliana and Bill announced on the Today show this morning that they are expecting their first bundle of joy!!!!  I am beyond thrilled for them...as if they were my friends :-)  Although their journey is nothing like my journey the end goal is the same for both us...to have a baby.  Knowing they are finally expecting and the baby is healthy gives me a little more hope for my own situation. Congratulations Giuliana and Bill you deserve all of the joy life has to offer!!!

Day 22

When it rains it pours!  Our two cars are both 2003.  My car is a hyundai accent, we call it the golf cart, and it as 110,000 miles on it.  My Husband's car is a Nissan Murano and has 171,000 miles on it.  Having a car payment is not an option for us right now!  I'm in denial that soon one day one of our cars will die and we will need a new car.  Well that time may have come.  Last weekend the check engine light came on in the murano.  That last time this happened it was just in need of an oil change.  We took it to get the oil changed late last week and they couldn't find anything wrong with it.  They flushed the fuel line but that was it.  We figured we need need to take it back to the deal to get it checked out but neither of us has time to be without a car for a few days.  Well the car has made the decision for us and has decided to crap out.

While driving the youth group to lunch today it started to sputter and shake when I pushed the gas or it was idling at a stop light.  It wasn't able to drive faster than 45mph without feeling like it was going to fall apart.  So tomorrow morning, bright and early, we are going to take the car to the shop.  I feel like this time it is going to be something major and I'm nervous about it.

The car plans might but a hold on our house plans if we end up needing to buy a car.  The stalled house plans will put a hold on our adoption plans...ugh.  I'm looking for the silver lining...

Day 21

Does anyone remember Dance work out with Barbie? haha  I had this video when I was younger and did it with my friends :-)

I forced myself to work out yesterday.  I saw this workout plan on Pinterest and thought it was easy and didn't need any equipment and I could do it while watching TV.  

1 Set

15 jumping Jacks

15 push ups

15 crunches

15 squats

I did 5 sets.  The hardest thing to do for me was push ups....15 pushups the first set wasn't too bad but by the last couple of sets my arms were shot and I could only do a couple each set.

Day 16

Day 20

I love my Skillet!!!  If I can make dinner in one pot I will.  I love casseroles because it all goes together but most casseroles are unhealthy.  Here are my top skillet and casserole recipes:

Taco Bake Casserole

This was my grandma's recipe that she made for my dad when he was younger. However the way she made it was REALLY bad for you.

Brown ground beef or turkey in a pan and season with a taco seasoning packet or add your own taco seasoning blend.  Meanwhile in a baking pan line with crescent roll dough.  Place baking pan in the oven for about 5 minutes before adding the meat.  Layer the meat on top of the dough.  Top the the ground meat with low fat cheddar cheese and crunched up Doritos.  I basically use the amount of Doritos in a single serve bag like from subway. Put back in the oven for 20-30 minutes until the cheese is just starting to bubble and brown.  Serves 6-8.

Italian Skillet

Brown ground beef or turkey in your skillet.  Add green beans, corn and mushrooms and season with Italian seasonings.  once the meat is browned add a can of tomato sauce.  Serve over brown rice.  Serves 4.

Day 19

The Shrek Smoothie!!!!  A friend of mine a few months ago introduced me to the Shrek Smoothie.  I thought she was crazy because no way could this be good....Boy was I wrong!  There are probably 100 variations of making the Shrek smoothie but this is how I like to make mine.

In a Blender throw in about a hand full of bagged baby spinach,  (don't use frozen) 4 baby carrots, 4 apple slices and water or milk.  The variations I add are any combo of bananas, blueberries, pineapple, mango, yogurt, milk, protein powder, peanut butter.  Sometimes I will do a splash of vanilla extract if i use extra spinach.  I also will add a packet of Stevia or a squeeze of honey.  Be aware that when you start mixing fruit colors your smoothie will turn more brown than green.  This freaked my husband out a little bit. :-)

day 18

I made some amazing chicken for dinner last night :-)  It is blog worthy so I hope you enjoy.

For the chicken I use the frozen chicken tenderloins from publix.

Since I'm not doing carbs I have 3 chicken tenderloins, if I had rice with it I would only have 2.

In a small bowl I mix chili powder and parm cheese together.  I enjoy a lot of spice so I add a lot of chili powder.  For variations you could mix other seasonings into it for a different taste.

I put the chicken in the bowl to coat with the mixture and then into a baking pan I have sprayed with pam.  I bake the chicken at 350 for 20-25 minutes.  

I served this with frozen veggies on the side and it was yummy!!!!!

day 17

Exercise!!!!!  I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks.  At one time I greatly enjoyed working out.  I had a trainer and did 2 sessions with her a week in addition to a boot camp class twice a week a spin class and a yoga class each once a week.  I was a machine and I loved every minute of it.

Why is it then that I can't get my butt in gear to work out now.  I make excuses like I'm too tired, I don't want to do it by myself, it's too hot outside, I don't have enough time etc....

I am trying to win the fight of excuses to get to workout.  I would love to be able to afford a gym membership and trainer again.  I had accountability and an investment in my physical activity and it was great motivation.

What are your motivations to exercise?

Day 16

We are buying a house!  We will be buying and moving into said house by August.  They say moving is one of the most stressful times in a person's life.  Since graduating high school I have moved 12 times!!!!!  4 of those was with my husband and we have only been married for 3 years.  We have been in and out of apartments and condos and it is time to plant roots and buy a house.

What I have learned about the process of buying a house is....I'm not a fan.  I don't like walking through people's houses, especially if they still live there.  I feel like I am invading their privacy.  I don't like the idea of getting into a bid war with someone.  I wish it was as simple as buying a pair of shoes.  You go to the store, I like DSW, try on the shoes, walk to the register to purchase them and walk out.  If only it were this simple with houses.

What I am enjoying is the idea of being able to paint and decorate a place that fits our style and needs.  Pinterest as been on my computer screen more in the last few weeks then I should probably admit.  My favorite search right now is for Kitchen designs more specifically back splashes.  

day 11-14

I have had a rough couple of days.  My husband and I have been talking more and more about adoption and what the right path for us is.  We have been leaning more towards state adoption because the wait isn't as long to be placed with a child as it would be to do a private adoption.

My husband started a new job this week at a radio station and is loving it.  His coworker just went through a heartbreaking journey and I feel brokenness for her.  Her and her husband were approached at their church by a young girl to adopt her baby.  The baby was born a week ago and she changed her mind and decided to keep the baby.  Although I know what it is like to lose a baby I can't even imagine the pain her heart is feeling.  

I have heard many stories like this where the mom changes her mind, and yes she has every right to.  However, with this story hitting so close to home for us, it helped to solidify our decision to not do private adoptions.  Although we want an infant, I couldn't go through this kind of heart break.

I know my emotional and mental state isn't really ready yet to adopt.  I'm still working on being ok with the understanding that adoption could be our only option to have kids.  With 16 friends pregnant around me it makes it that much harder.  It is hard to talk to friends about my pain, emotions, questions, confusions etc because I never know if one of them is pregnant or trying to get pregnant.  We never want one of our friends to be afraid of telling us about their news and joy.  I never want to offend someone or make them feel like they are going to offend me.  

This is the part of the journey that no one talks about.  You see that people are pregnant and have babies but you never hear about the journey.  I have learned out common fertility problems are and how many people struggle with this type of thing.  The hardest part is knowing that 2 of my friends that are pregnant got pregnant again less than 6 months after their miscarriage and one of them is pregnant with twins.  I am happy for them but it is hard to stifle those feelings of what am I getting the short end of the stick.  Why is everyone else getting their joys, but I'm still sitting empty with no child to show for it.

I struggle with the thoughts that creep into my mind about people that shouldn't have kids and do, the ones that take it for granted, the ones that complain about being pregnant or tired and ow hard it is.  I know that being a parent is the hardest job in the world, I know that it is exhausting and doesn't always bring about joy.  However, I would trade places at any moment with the pregnant lady complaining about it or the new mom complaining about how tired she is.  

Being a parent is a precious gift that not everyone gets to have and it kills me to watch people abuse it.

We are house hunting and while walking through a model home we met a couple that is at the retirement stage of their life.  She shared with me that she and her husband were one of the first couples to try IVF in ohio.  she said that after the procedure they had to put them in a closet they changed into a room for them to hide them from the media.  IVF didn't work for them and they never adopted.  They did spoil their nieces and nephews and enjoyed that.

I fear that my husband and I will never be able to have a child at all through adoption or naturally.  I fear that because we don't live close enough to our nephew that we won't have a relationship close enough that we can spoil him and he can become our "adopted" child.

I don't like the big life unknowns.  I don't like not knowing if I will or won't have a child.  Early in the journey it was WHEN we have a child and that has turned to IF we have a child.  I continue to pray that God prepares my heart for what our journey is and prepares me for children or prepares my heart to not have children.

day 10

New Beginnings are always great!  What a great time to be thinking about new beginnings with Easter just a few days behind us.  My husband has been struggling with finding full time work since he was laid off from the Tampa Bay Lightning 3 years ago.  Since then he has held 2-3 jobs at one time so we can make ends meet.  He has been working in retail at a running store for the past 2 years and has just started his 3rd season working as Marty the Marauder for the Bradenton Marauders.  Last summer he held those 2 jobs as well as a 10 week job working at the YMCA summer camp program.  Well it seems as he has finally had his big break.  Monday was his first day working at The Joy FM as the new afternoon show producer.  He will eventually be on the air for some segments.  Although the job isn't full time, it is his foot in the door and a job where he feels challenged for the first time in a long time.  I am so proud of him for go through all he has, for standing by me and always having faith that there would be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

day 9

Hey Good Looking...Whatcha got cooking....

Last week my in-laws were in town.  My husband has 3 siblings, the youngest 2 are adopted and one of the greatest gifts to join the family.  They are now 16 and 12 and full of excitement.  Whenever they come into town they stay with us and there is never a dull moment.  We love when they come because they live in the Atlanta area and don't get to see them often but there is a down side. 

The down side is the food.  We eat out 3 meals a day every day they are here and that was horrible for my eating plan.  I did the best I could with my choices while eating out.  It actually wasn't too difficult to find low carb options and I think I did fairly well.  The problem came into play when everyone else around me was ordering all of the yummy goodness I couldn't eat.  I finally gave in and "gave up" the eating the last day they were here. I didn't lose any weight this past week and probably gained 1 pound back.

This week I'm back on track and getting ready to start cooking dinner.  Tonight I'm making a Hungry Girl recipe that is a favorite in our house.  Healthy Chicken cordon blue.

Basically you take chicken breast and pound it so it is thin.  I take a wedge of laughing cow cheese and cut it into a few pieces (usually I use 1 wedge for 2-3 chicken breasts)  I add one slice of low sodium ham lunch meat and roll the chicken up.  Secure the chicken with a toothpick. You will want to bake these in a dish covered with foil for about 20 minutes at 350.  Then take the foil off and bake for another 20 minutes or so until the chicken is cooked all the way through.  Tonight I will be serving this with a side of grilled green beans. 

What's for dinner at your house?

Day 8

He is Risen!  Happy Easter everyone.  My husband and I have decided that in order to better our lives together individually and as a couple we need to spend more time praying and in the presence of God.  We have started praying together at night before bed.  This is a challenge for me because I don't ever have a set  prayer time I just pray throughout the day.  We hope that this will help us stain on the same page with discussions that need to be made and help us feel closer together.  One of the biggest things we are praying about is a possible adoption within the year and buying a house in the next 6 months.  If you are of the praying kind please join us as we embark on these HUGE life changes

Day 6

This is one of my new favorite workouts.  We got this for Christmas and I never got around to using it until a few weeks ago.  This is so much fun and really makes you sweat.  I have some dance background so I find it fairly easy to follow along with the character.  My husband on the other hand says all you have to do is shake your hips and you get points.

There are lots of options on this game.  You can just select certain songs that you want to dance to, you have 3 workout options that vary from a 20, 40 or 60 minute class time.  Within each class time option there are 10 different classes to take.  Lots of variety for sure.  It also lets you program in your stats and will tell you how many calories your burned at the end of each class. 

I have been doing this game on my cross training day at least once a month.  I recommend this game if you enjoy dancing.

Day 5

Part of the life change I am working on this month isn't just emotional and spiritual change but physical change as well.  For 2 years my Husband and I have not planned trips, outings, events, etc. because I could possibly be pregnant and that would keep me from being able to do certain activities. 

I have been overweight my entire life.  I have been dieting almost my entire life.  There were times in my life where I felt like the "token fat girl."  I hate feeling like the biggest girl in the room.  I hate feeling like people judge me by the way I look.  Whether it is true or not, I feel like people look at me and think, "Wow that girl must eat at McDonalds everyday." 

I am a healthy eater.  I don't cook with butter or oil.  I bake, grill or steam everything.  I do occasionally give in to my weakness of french fries or sweets but am conscious of not doing it more than once or twice in a week. 

My mom had great success with the South beach diet by loosing about 100 pounds in a year.  I have previously done Atkins and lost about 40 pounds.  My husband and I started South beach because it seems like a great life style change and something that would be easy for us to keep up with. 

We finished the first week this past Saturday and I lost 5.6 pounds.  I was super excited and super motivated and it was exactly what I am needing.  I have set a goal to loose 20 pounds by the time we go on vacation June 1.

Stay tuned as I share my new workout plan I'm experimenting with and some new recipes.  I have a feeling some of these recipes will fail but I will share the good, the bad and the ugly!

Day 2, 3, 4

So already I am behind on my 30 day challenge to blog.  My in-laws are in town for their spring break and I haven't had the chance to sit down to blog.  It works out because I was trying to figure out how I was going to divide up the first topic into a few days...I guess now I don't have to.

Part of the life change I'm looking for, is a shift in my thinking about having a baby.  You can go back and look through my blog to get an idea of the journey I have been on but here is a short overview.  My husband and I got married on July 11, 2009.  We knew from the start we wanted a family and decided to start trying right away.  We got pregnant on the 3rd try.  It was bittersweet because I found out I was pregnant on the 1 year anniversary of our proposal, but it was also about 2 weeks after my grandpa passed away.  I was thrilled because in my mind, the baby I was carrying had my grandpa's spirit.  On the morning of January 8th I woke up and had some light spotting.  That light spotting soon turned into more and we went to the ER.  They did an ultrasound (my first ultrasound) and we were able to see the baby and the heart beat.  The problem was the baby was measuring at around 6 weeks and I was almost 10 weeks.  They sent me home and told me I was fine, but I might miscarry.  We were home for a few hours when it happened.  It was like a balloon burst.  It was horrible and traumatic.  My husband and just run out to the store.  I was scared I was bleeding out and would pass out or die even.  We called the hospital they told us we didn't need to come in unless the bleeding got to a certain point.  For the rest of the night I tried to sleep but was in a ball of pain, fear, emotions etc.  We left the hospital thinking everything was fine.

It has been 2 years and almost 3 months since we lost our little Zoe.  We didn't know if she was a girl but in my heart I knew she was.  We named her Zoe because Zoe means life.  Since the miscarriage I have been to 3 different doctors and finally found one that will help us.  I'm convinced that something isn't working properly in my body since the miscarriage because I haven't had regular cycles.  I did 3 rounds of clomid with no luck.  My husband has a slightly low count but the doctor wasn't concerned about it because it was so close to normal.  I have been been angry at God. for the majority of these 2 years.  Everyone keeps telling us, "When it's meant to be it will happen," "just be patient,"  "Have fun trying," "Sometimes miscarriages are blessings in disguise."   It is to the point that if one more person says something like that to me I think I will snap.  I can't understand that if Zoe wasn't meant to be then why did I get pregnant in the first place.

It has been a long emotional journey.  My husband and I have fought for no other reason than we both have deep hurt from our loss.  After years of soul searching, praying and wonderful friends we have had a change of heart.  We have decided that we will be parent's but sometimes people don't get to have their own babies the natural way.  Some babies come to us through other outlets.  We will be starting the adoption process in a few weeks.  We have prayed long and hard to find peace in our hearts to know that God is still in control.  "The Lord gives and Lord takes away, Blessed be the Lord."  Sometimes we never understand God's plan for our lives, but I have to trust and know that their is a purpose.  God doesn't want us to suffer, and he definitely doesn't want us to suffer alone.  He wants us to have bold faith in every aspect of our lives and to jump in and to not look back.  I will always have hurt in my heart over the losing Zoe, but I know she will be in heaven waiting for us.  One day we will get to hold our angel and we will not only be in presence but in the presence of the Lord.

30 Day Challenge

A friend of mine has a blog, Eat, Pray, Love, Live!  She is started a challenge for fellow bloggers and I have accepted the challenge.  For the month of April my challenge is to not only to blog for 30 days but is "30 days of life change."  My husband and I have had a hard couple of years and have decided to make some big changes in our lives. This challenge will be about my journey for the next 30 days and how i'm changing my life.