day 18

I made some amazing chicken for dinner last night :-)  It is blog worthy so I hope you enjoy.

For the chicken I use the frozen chicken tenderloins from publix.

Since I'm not doing carbs I have 3 chicken tenderloins, if I had rice with it I would only have 2.

In a small bowl I mix chili powder and parm cheese together.  I enjoy a lot of spice so I add a lot of chili powder.  For variations you could mix other seasonings into it for a different taste.

I put the chicken in the bowl to coat with the mixture and then into a baking pan I have sprayed with pam.  I bake the chicken at 350 for 20-25 minutes.  

I served this with frozen veggies on the side and it was yummy!!!!!

day 17

Exercise!!!!!  I haven't worked out in about 2 weeks.  At one time I greatly enjoyed working out.  I had a trainer and did 2 sessions with her a week in addition to a boot camp class twice a week a spin class and a yoga class each once a week.  I was a machine and I loved every minute of it.

Why is it then that I can't get my butt in gear to work out now.  I make excuses like I'm too tired, I don't want to do it by myself, it's too hot outside, I don't have enough time etc....

I am trying to win the fight of excuses to get to workout.  I would love to be able to afford a gym membership and trainer again.  I had accountability and an investment in my physical activity and it was great motivation.

What are your motivations to exercise?

Day 16

We are buying a house!  We will be buying and moving into said house by August.  They say moving is one of the most stressful times in a person's life.  Since graduating high school I have moved 12 times!!!!!  4 of those was with my husband and we have only been married for 3 years.  We have been in and out of apartments and condos and it is time to plant roots and buy a house.

What I have learned about the process of buying a house is....I'm not a fan.  I don't like walking through people's houses, especially if they still live there.  I feel like I am invading their privacy.  I don't like the idea of getting into a bid war with someone.  I wish it was as simple as buying a pair of shoes.  You go to the store, I like DSW, try on the shoes, walk to the register to purchase them and walk out.  If only it were this simple with houses.

What I am enjoying is the idea of being able to paint and decorate a place that fits our style and needs.  Pinterest as been on my computer screen more in the last few weeks then I should probably admit.  My favorite search right now is for Kitchen designs more specifically back splashes.  

day 11-14

I have had a rough couple of days.  My husband and I have been talking more and more about adoption and what the right path for us is.  We have been leaning more towards state adoption because the wait isn't as long to be placed with a child as it would be to do a private adoption.

My husband started a new job this week at a radio station and is loving it.  His coworker just went through a heartbreaking journey and I feel brokenness for her.  Her and her husband were approached at their church by a young girl to adopt her baby.  The baby was born a week ago and she changed her mind and decided to keep the baby.  Although I know what it is like to lose a baby I can't even imagine the pain her heart is feeling.  

I have heard many stories like this where the mom changes her mind, and yes she has every right to.  However, with this story hitting so close to home for us, it helped to solidify our decision to not do private adoptions.  Although we want an infant, I couldn't go through this kind of heart break.

I know my emotional and mental state isn't really ready yet to adopt.  I'm still working on being ok with the understanding that adoption could be our only option to have kids.  With 16 friends pregnant around me it makes it that much harder.  It is hard to talk to friends about my pain, emotions, questions, confusions etc because I never know if one of them is pregnant or trying to get pregnant.  We never want one of our friends to be afraid of telling us about their news and joy.  I never want to offend someone or make them feel like they are going to offend me.  

This is the part of the journey that no one talks about.  You see that people are pregnant and have babies but you never hear about the journey.  I have learned out common fertility problems are and how many people struggle with this type of thing.  The hardest part is knowing that 2 of my friends that are pregnant got pregnant again less than 6 months after their miscarriage and one of them is pregnant with twins.  I am happy for them but it is hard to stifle those feelings of what am I getting the short end of the stick.  Why is everyone else getting their joys, but I'm still sitting empty with no child to show for it.

I struggle with the thoughts that creep into my mind about people that shouldn't have kids and do, the ones that take it for granted, the ones that complain about being pregnant or tired and ow hard it is.  I know that being a parent is the hardest job in the world, I know that it is exhausting and doesn't always bring about joy.  However, I would trade places at any moment with the pregnant lady complaining about it or the new mom complaining about how tired she is.  

Being a parent is a precious gift that not everyone gets to have and it kills me to watch people abuse it.

We are house hunting and while walking through a model home we met a couple that is at the retirement stage of their life.  She shared with me that she and her husband were one of the first couples to try IVF in ohio.  she said that after the procedure they had to put them in a closet they changed into a room for them to hide them from the media.  IVF didn't work for them and they never adopted.  They did spoil their nieces and nephews and enjoyed that.

I fear that my husband and I will never be able to have a child at all through adoption or naturally.  I fear that because we don't live close enough to our nephew that we won't have a relationship close enough that we can spoil him and he can become our "adopted" child.

I don't like the big life unknowns.  I don't like not knowing if I will or won't have a child.  Early in the journey it was WHEN we have a child and that has turned to IF we have a child.  I continue to pray that God prepares my heart for what our journey is and prepares me for children or prepares my heart to not have children.

day 10

New Beginnings are always great!  What a great time to be thinking about new beginnings with Easter just a few days behind us.  My husband has been struggling with finding full time work since he was laid off from the Tampa Bay Lightning 3 years ago.  Since then he has held 2-3 jobs at one time so we can make ends meet.  He has been working in retail at a running store for the past 2 years and has just started his 3rd season working as Marty the Marauder for the Bradenton Marauders.  Last summer he held those 2 jobs as well as a 10 week job working at the YMCA summer camp program.  Well it seems as he has finally had his big break.  Monday was his first day working at The Joy FM as the new afternoon show producer.  He will eventually be on the air for some segments.  Although the job isn't full time, it is his foot in the door and a job where he feels challenged for the first time in a long time.  I am so proud of him for go through all he has, for standing by me and always having faith that there would be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

day 9

Hey Good Looking...Whatcha got cooking....

Last week my in-laws were in town.  My husband has 3 siblings, the youngest 2 are adopted and one of the greatest gifts to join the family.  They are now 16 and 12 and full of excitement.  Whenever they come into town they stay with us and there is never a dull moment.  We love when they come because they live in the Atlanta area and don't get to see them often but there is a down side. 

The down side is the food.  We eat out 3 meals a day every day they are here and that was horrible for my eating plan.  I did the best I could with my choices while eating out.  It actually wasn't too difficult to find low carb options and I think I did fairly well.  The problem came into play when everyone else around me was ordering all of the yummy goodness I couldn't eat.  I finally gave in and "gave up" the eating the last day they were here. I didn't lose any weight this past week and probably gained 1 pound back.

This week I'm back on track and getting ready to start cooking dinner.  Tonight I'm making a Hungry Girl recipe that is a favorite in our house.  Healthy Chicken cordon blue.

Basically you take chicken breast and pound it so it is thin.  I take a wedge of laughing cow cheese and cut it into a few pieces (usually I use 1 wedge for 2-3 chicken breasts)  I add one slice of low sodium ham lunch meat and roll the chicken up.  Secure the chicken with a toothpick. You will want to bake these in a dish covered with foil for about 20 minutes at 350.  Then take the foil off and bake for another 20 minutes or so until the chicken is cooked all the way through.  Tonight I will be serving this with a side of grilled green beans. 

What's for dinner at your house?

Day 8

He is Risen!  Happy Easter everyone.  My husband and I have decided that in order to better our lives together individually and as a couple we need to spend more time praying and in the presence of God.  We have started praying together at night before bed.  This is a challenge for me because I don't ever have a set  prayer time I just pray throughout the day.  We hope that this will help us stain on the same page with discussions that need to be made and help us feel closer together.  One of the biggest things we are praying about is a possible adoption within the year and buying a house in the next 6 months.  If you are of the praying kind please join us as we embark on these HUGE life changes